


(I Hate) Sleeping Alone

by kitkatt0430



Category: Tales of Symphonia
Genre: Demisexuality, Friends to Lovers, Lloyd is too observant for Zelos' comfort, M/M, Zelos has issues, Zelos has trust issues with trust issues, awkward discussions about sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-23
Updated: 2015-02-23
Packaged: 2018-03-14 16:26:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3417533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitkatt0430/pseuds/kitkatt0430
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zelos was really good at sex, which probably made it all kinds of ironic that he didn't actually enjoy sex. He just didn't like sleeping alone and, though he'd prefer the warm body in bed with him was someone he actually cared about, picking up hot chicks was the most efficient method of trying to fill that empty space. Because, let's face it, no one who said they wanted to 'sleep' with the Chosen one actually wanted to literally sleep with Zelos.</p>
            </blockquote>





	(I Hate) Sleeping Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer – Tales of Symphonia is Bamco's baby.

Zelos smiled up at his bed-mate as her body relaxed back into the sheets, lazy satisfaction written on her face. Doing his best imitation of a satisfied cat, he licked his lips and drew back, sitting up and then hopping out of bed.  
  
"I'll be a minute or so in the bathroom, okay Hunny?" he told her, already walking off.  
  
"Oh, you don't have to go," Merete told him. "I could get you off the same way, if you'd like?"  
  
Shaking his head, Zelos sent her a lazy smile. "I've gotta admit, all those noises you were making were a bit much. I had to get myself off already too so I could give you my full attention."  
  
"Mmm," she grinned, completely oblivious to the fact that there was absolutely no cum on that bed. Instead she stretched out enticingly and closed her eyes.  
  
Turning away, Zelos quickly sequestered himself in the bathroom. The first thing he did was wash his face off and rinse his mouth out with mouthwash. Letting the sink run, Zelos leaned over it for a long moment, just watching the water disappear.  
  
Fortunately, Merete hadn't noticed that he hadn't been aroused at all during their kissing or fondling or him giving her oral. He only did this often enough to keep up his reputation because, despite how difficult it was to sleep alone, sex was... not really something he enjoyed. Occasionally, though, he'd bring home a bed partner who noticed he wasn't getting it up and, mostly, she'd be all sympathetic and cuddle him anyways and go off in the morning with a promise that it'd be great if he'd pick her up again sometime when he's really in the mood. Sometimes, though, he'd have a bed partner get offended, humiliated at the idea that the Chosen of Mana didn't find her attractive enough to fuck.  
  
Those nights were the worst. It was hard enough not to think of himself as a freak as it was. The last thing he needed was some self-centered brat telling him that she was too gorgeous not to turn him on.  
  
Merete, though, was oblivious. Zelos liked the oblivious ones best. He was good at sex, so she got what she wanted, and she seemed like she'd stay the night...  
  
There was an odd sound outside, so Zelos turned off the tap and peered out the door. Merete was getting dressed.  
  
Goddess dammit...  
  
"Going somewhere?"  
  
"I've got an early morning appointment I just remembered. I might be tempted to laze around with you all morning instead if I stay," she told him.  
  
"Sebastian usually announces breakfast around eight," he said, trying desperately to tempt her. If she got what she wanted and he got nothing, Zelos was going to be pissed.  
  
"That does sound like a wonderful offer, but..." Merete pulled her dress back on over her under things and started on the buttons.  
  
Zelos froze in frustration, trying to figure out what to say to convince her to just sleep in the damn bed... and then thunder clapped loudly outside, followed by the sound of sudden, hard rain.  
  
Merete stopped and sighed, staring out the window forlornly. "Well, if it's raining, then I guess I should stay."  
  
"What time is that meeting of yours?" Zelos asked, relaxing in relief.  
  
"Nine thirty."  
  
Scooting into bed and waiting for Merete to join him, Zelos assured her, "you'll have plenty of time to make that meeting, I promise."  
  
"I might have to be a little late, so I can run home and change first," she mused, snuggling under the covers with him, "but being a little late is fashionable. So that's fine."  
  
Odds were, she was just meeting up with friends to gossip. Zelos didn't care in the least. All that mattered was that he'd have someone sleeping in bed with him tonight.  
  
For tonight, there would be no nightmares plaguing him. Tonight, Zelos got a rare reprieve.

* * *

The first time Zelos managed a full night's sleep without nightmares, he'd fallen asleep fully clothed with a girl from one of the many parties the nobles threw for themselves to feel special. He'd been thoroughly smashed as well, despite only being fifteen at the time.  
  
Zelos had mistaken the alcohol for the cause of his nightmare-free dreams and proceeded to experiment with alcohol in a way that made Sebastian come very close to disobeying Zelos' wishes and pouring all the wine and hard liquor down the drain. But Zelos did figure it out, after spending a week or so in a drunken haze, that all alcohol really got him was hung over. His nightmares were, if anything, worse. He declared the experiment a bust, much to Sebastian's relief, and let his butler take charge of the key to the wine cellar without any fuss.  
  
A few months afterwards, Zelos ended up bringing a clingy, drunken noble girl home with him so that she wouldn't go home with her equally drunken father, who tended to be violent when soused. Though Zelos tried to pry her off his arm and stuff her in a guest room, she clung too tightly and he gave up, letting her sleep it off in his bed.  
  
Zelos slept through the night without any nightmares at all. He'd found the answer he was looking for; maybe having someone there made him feel safe. Zelos had no idea; he certainly didn't think Abigail was the sort who'd protect him if anti-Martelist ninjas attacked in the middle of the night. (Not as far fetched as it sounded; there were as many anti-religion nuts in the world as there were pro-religion nuts.) Regardless, it was perfect... as long as there was someone sleeping next to him, his subconscious wouldn't torture him all night long.  
  
Except, of course, that he didn't want a reputation for being the guy who brought home drunk girls every night. Even at fifteen, Zelos knew that would look very, very bad. So, even though he'd found a possible solution to his sleep issues, he had no viable means of repeating the experience and only two data-points. Despite Zelos' certainty that not sleeping alone was the answer he'd been looking for, there was no way to be certain unless he could consistently repeat the experience.  
  
About a year later, however, Zelos discovered sex.  
  
Elizabeth was a little older than him and she seemed fascinated by Zelos. Well, she'd seemed fascinated by the Chosen, but that just meant she liked Zelos, right? They spent time getting to know one another and Zelos started to think of her as a friend. Then he started noticing how pretty she was. He'd known before that she was attractive, but this was the first time he'd actually found himself feeling attracted to her.  
  
They'd kiss and Zelos would get warm all over. It was really nice and, if kissing was all they'd done then he would've been happy with that. But Zelos let her talk him into sex. It wasn't bad. For Elizabeth he was able to get aroused and follow her instructions on how to make her feel good and they got off together. Elizabeth stuck with him for a few more months afterwards; every couple of nights they'd have sex and then sleep together. The sex was good, but the cuddling afterwards was better.  
  
Then Elizabeth got bored. She was proud about having been the Chosen's first, but Zelos was getting kind of attached. She didn't want to be the Chosen's mistress and that's who she'd be if she stuck with him. So... she left.  
  
A few nights later, Zelos picked up a hot chick at a bar and managed, if only just, to have sex with her. Though Zelos slept through the night peacefully, the sex left Zelos feeling empty afterwards and when she left in the morning he wondered if it was possible for him to be metaphorically hollowed out to the point where he didn't have nightmares anymore because he no longer cared about anything at all.  
  
If it were possible, it would take more than one night of meaningless sex. So Zelos experimented.  
  
Being aroused with Elizabeth had been a lot easier than trying to get aroused for one-night stands. More often than not, Zelos just couldn't do it. So he picked oral as his goal to improve at and improve at it he did.  
  
By the time he was twenty-one, Zelos was really good at sex, which probably made it all kinds of ironic that he didn't actually enjoy sex. He could stand to put himself through it a few times a month, though, if it meant not having his dead mother, or his sister's dead mother, haunting his dreams for a night. Besides, Zelos knew perfectly well by now that no one who said they wanted to 'sleep' with the Chosen one actually wanted to literally sleep with Zelos.  
  
Not that he hadn't tried to find someone who would just sleep next to him, warm and comforting and meaningful. But after the third or fourth 'you're kidding, right?' Zelos just sort of gave up and accepted that the only reason anyone would want to share a bed with him was because they wanted to say they'd been fucked by him. If any of them thought his request that they stay the night afterwards was unusual, it was accepted as a worthwhile trade off for the bragging rights of having been the Chosen One's lover.  
  
It wasn't fulfilling in the slightest and there were days when Zelos hated his life to the point where he wasn't sure why he was still bothering with living at all, but hollow sex meant a bed partner for the night and, for whatever reason, no nightmares. Zelos told himself that it would have to be enough.  
  
Then Lloyd Irving came into Zelos life, challenging every assumption about himself that Zelos had ever made.  
  
Zelos had been certain that his nightmares would come back once he started traveling with the group. But, oddly enough, their proximity at night when camping was enough to banish bad dreams, though not his insomnia. So while he wasn't sleeping as well, it could have been worse. Sleeping at Inns was about the same, but with comfier beds which made his insomnia just the slightest bit more manageable. So long as there was at least one other person in the room with him at night, Zelos would sleep soundly, if not restfully.  
  
While unexpected, the development wasn't entirely surprising. It was just a modification of his earlier assumption that sleeping with someone made his dreams more bearable. Having someone present, but not necessarily in bed with him, was what made sleeping come more naturally.  
  
What was unexpected, however, was that Lloyd, of all people, had picked up on the fact that something was... off about Zelos' behavior.  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
The funny thing was, Zelos honestly believed that Lloyd wanted to know the answer. The brunet wanted to know how Zelos Wilder was doing, not the Chosen One, and if the answer was 'no' then Lloyd would want to know why and what he could do to help.  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine," Zelos lied. He was exhausted, but he'd checked in the mirror this morning to make sure there weren't any dark smudges under his eyes. He'd looked fine then, so as long as he kept a smile on his face no one should have seen anything amiss. "Why?"  
  
"It's just... I dunno, you seem a little tired." Lloyd shrugged helplessly. "Are you sleeping okay?"  
  
"Always." Never.  
  
"Are you sure? Because it always seems like you're the last one to sleep and the first one awake."  
  
"Awww, you're really worried aren't you?" Zelos tried to laugh it off. This was just... weird, really. No one ever worried about him except for Sebastian, but there were lines that servants did not cross no matter how parental his butler otherwise seemed.  
  
Lloyd was most definitely not a servant though. Were there lines friends weren't supposed to cross? Zelos had no idea.  
  
"I'm an insomniac," Zelos told him, which had the virtue of being the truth.  
  
"Is that a sex thing?" Lloyd grumbled, blushing pink and crossing his arms in frustration at having no idea what Zelos meant.  
  
Zelos' laughter was a little more natural this time, though. "No. It's not a sex thing. It's a 'falling asleep is really difficult for me' thing."  
  
"So you're not sleeping okay," Lloyd said in irritation, clearly annoyed at having caught Zelos in what appeared to be an obvious lie.  
  
"Depends on your definition of sleeping okay," Zelos countered with a shrug. "I actually have an easier time falling asleep around other people. So even if I'm not getting as much sleep as everyone else, my sleep is actually a little better than normal for me."  
  
"Because you're around all of us?" Lloyd's expression pensive as he seemed to be working out something in his head. His brown eyes flickered to Zelos' hand where his Exsphere was and Zelos nearly laughed as he realized what was going on.  
  
"It's just an Exsphere, Lloyd. My Cruxis Crystal is with my little sister, Seles, at the Southeast Abbey. So even if the exposure to stress and concentrated mana from fighting Volt and Gnome were enough to trigger Angel transformations without the rest of the Cruxis Angel BS, it's not a danger for me, okay?"  
  
Lloyd flushed and looked away sheepishly, a hand rubbing at the back of his neck. "Uh, right. Yeah, I knew that. I just... worry about everyone too much."  
  
Feeling oddly touched by Lloyd's sincere worry, Zelos felt a rare, genuine smile creep it's way onto his face. "Most people don't bother worrying over me. They probably just realize I'm always awesome all the time, though, so..." he trailed off with a laugh as Lloyd rolled his eyes and relaxed. "Anyway, I'm sleeping just fine, Lloyd. Though, you know, having the chance to sleep in the next time we're at an Inn would be kinda nice." Zelos doubted that would happen, not with how their faces were on wanted posters everywhere – when were they going to be able to stay at an Inn? – but it would be nice to imagine.  
  
Of course, when Zelos imagined sleeping in he also imagined that someone, maybe Sheena or Raine or even Lloyd, would spend the lazy morning in bed with him. Cuddling was always nice on the occasion that he had a willing partner and, unlike sex, cuddling didn't leave him feeling bereft of anything.

* * *

To Zelos' complete surprise, Lloyd did remember his wish to sleep in.  
  
When they finally managed to find an Inn they could stay in without arousing suspicion from the locals, they were in Flanoir. Zelos knew he was visibly out of sorts, but there was no helping it. Snow was bad enough when he had time to prepare; it was all the worse for being sprung on him so unexpectedly. Cold and miserable, Zelos took even longer than normal to fall asleep and his dreams were fitful despite the company.  
  
But in the morning, Lloyd convinced the others that they all needed a break. Sheena led Genis, Colette, and Presea outside to make snow forts and snowmen while Regal and Raine went wandering around town for information on the location of the Spirit Celsius. Lloyd, however, stayed in their room at the Inn all morning playing card games while Zelos, soothed by Lloyd's continued presence, managed to snooze until lunch.

* * *

"You know... the way Sheena described you, I sort of thought you were a 'girl in every town' person," Lloyd told him.  
  
"I am," Zelos assured him with a smirk. "Everywhere I've been in Tethe'alla there are at least ten ladies I've shown a good time to and a dozen more who'd love to add to the count."  
  
Lloyd wrinkled his nose distastefully, which was unexpectedly adorable. "But you're not looking to add Sylvaranti ladies to the tally?" The brunet paused, adding, "it's just... you flirt, but we've been in Sylvarant a while now and you haven't yet done anything more than flirt. I guess I've been over thinking things, but... is it really about... having sex with a lot of women or is it about not always having to sleep alone?"  
  
He couldn't spell half his vocabulary, took forever to solve for x in the simplest equations, and fell asleep in history lessons, but damn if Lloyd Irving didn't get people. The worst part was, Colette had warned Zelos about this. She'd cheerfully told him all about the great coffee mindfuck. Not that she'd called it as such, but Zelos found the name appropriate, now more than ever.  
  
"What?" Zelos tried to keep his voice steady, calm. Unfortunately the word came out more like a squeak.  
  
"Because if you were really living up to your reputation, you'd have sneaked into our room at the Inn at odd hours of the morning at least twice by now, but you haven't done it even once. In fact, I heard you turn a girl down at the bar earlier."  
  
"I didn't..."  
  
"You did." Lloyd sighed and crossed his arms, taking a seat on the bed nearest the windows while Zelos reluctantly settled onto the bed closer to the door. "We'll probably be here another couple of days. So... I'm wondering if, because you've got someone in the room with you every night..."  
  
"That I don't need to use sex to get someone to stay the night with me?" Zelos filled in, feeling tense and exposed because no one – no one – had ever cottoned on to his whole sex for snuggles scheme. Except, apparently, Lloyd had figured him out.  
  
Dazedly, Zelos wondered why it was Lloyd could put together the facts regarding Zelos' sleep issues but completely miss the triple agent part.  
  
"That's ridiculous," Zelos contradicted numbly. "Sex is pretty awesome, Lloyd, and I am incredible at it. Why else would so many people want to fuck around with me?"  
  
The look on Lloyd's face said it all.  
  
"Sex is supposed to be fun," Zelos muttered, looking away and wishing that Lloyd didn't have that way of looking at him that made him want to tell him everything. "Certainly none of my partners have ever complained."  
  
"Do you have complaints?" the brunet asked, concerned.  
  
"No," Zelos answered, too quick and too sharp to be believable.  
  
Lloyd sighed softly. "Look, I... didn't start this conversation with the intention of prying, okay? I was just wondering if you sleep better when the person in the room with you is in the same bed as opposed to just in the room."  
  
Zelos shrugged, pointedly not looking at Lloyd. Goddess damn it, when had he become so easy to read?  
  
They got into their sleep clothes in an awkward silence. Zelos buried himself under the bed covers while Lloyd turned off the light. Eyes screwed tightly shut, Zelos wondered if he could convince Lloyd that he was totally off base in the morning without having to participate in a sexual encounter with some random woman.  
  
There was the feeling of someone sliding into bed behind him.  
  
"Lloyd, what are you doing?" Zelos bit the words out, tensing up.  
  
"I'm just trying to be helpful, okay? If you really want me to go back to my bed, I will but..." Lloyd waited for Zelos to turn around and face him. "I really do think you'll sleep better this way. Before, you've only really shared your bed with people who were using you for sex. Your subconscious knew you weren't alone, which improved your sleep some... but you're still an insomniac and you still wake up at the slightest noise.  
  
"Maybe I'm just flattering myself, but I'd like to think we've become pretty good friends. If your subconscious knows that someone who actually cares about your well being is right here, then maybe you'll be able to get some deep sleep for a change."  
  
Zelos felt as though he was on the edge of a precipice and accepting Lloyd's offer would be like taking a step right off the ledge. Base jumping wasn't really Zelos' thing and he had no idea if, in this scenario, he even had a parachute.  
  
Lloyd's eyes were open and honest.  
  
Swallowing nervously, Zelos curled up against Lloyd's chest, trembling and uncertain and unable to speak for fear of ruining everything. One of Lloyd's hands began petting Zelos' hair, fingertips scratching lightly against his scalp with every stroke. Zelos melted into the feeling, calming despite himself.  
  
Within minutes, the redhead was lulled to sleep.

* * *

When Zelos woke the next morning, it was a struggle for him to wake up. Lloyd looked equal parts amused and fond as Zelos zombie walked to the coffee. While the others seemed to assume Zelos hadn't slept well, the opposite was true.  
  
Zelos hadn't slept that well ever, that he could remember. He'd woken up tangled up in Lloyd's arms, feeling snug, warm, safe... cared for. It was the nicest he'd ever felt after waking up in bed with someone else and he hadn't even had to give oral to get it. He'd wanted to stay there a while longer, more asleep than awake, and just bask in the feeling. Or, better yet, slip back into sleep and let his body spend a little longer making up for years of inadequate rest.  
  
Lloyd refrained from bringing up their conversation about whether or not Zelos actually enjoyed sex, which was a relief. He also made it a habit of snuggling with Zelos in bed whenever they shared a room at an Inn. Gradually, Zelos got used to the feeling of sleeping deeply and waking up from a truly restful slumber got easier.  
  
He also noticed that he was sleeping better even when they weren't at an Inn. Zelos tried not to over analyze why that might be.

* * *

Once Colette's slow transformation into a living crystal was revealed, they took a break in Iselia. It was weird to think that Lloyd had grown up in that tiny town, surrounded by prejudice from so many of the adults, but it figured that he had so much of an impact on the people, particularly the children, that they were willing to work on being better and kinder and less likely to elect assholes like their current mayor. As their first act of goodwill, the people of Iselia took in the captives from the Human Ranch, human and half-elf alike.  
  
For all that Desians touted Half-Elven Superiority, they sure didn't discriminate when it came to things like enslavement and exsphere harvesting. Apparently there was an 'if you're not with us, you're against us' mentality amongst the Desians and any half-elf that sided with humans was automatically considered unworthy.  
  
Hypocritical morons, undermining the entire concept of half-elven equality...  
  
Zelos tried to tell himself that he didn't actually give a damn, but the truth was that he was starting to care a great deal. Lloyd was rubbing off on him... in a completely metaphorical, non-literal way. Zelos was not used to that in the slightest.  
  
So obviously it was all Lloyd's fault that evening when memories of the sheer loneliness and alienation of his childhood came pouring out of him. He tried to pass it off as a joke, once he managed to shut up and take a distancing breath... and Lloyd had seemed to buy that explanation at the time, getting all pissy and huffy.  
  
But when Lloyd was still angry a few hours later, Zelos wasn't sure if he should be sleeping on the floor or in Lloyd's bed and the uncertainty hurt.  
  
"Quit hovering and get in bed," Lloyd told Zelos grumpily, opening up the covers in an unmistakable invitation.  
  
Instantly Zelos darted across the room and into Lloyd's tiny bed, which wasn't really meant for two grown men. He tried not to think about how pathetic he must seem, acting so dependent on Lloyd for a good night's sleep.  
  
Lloyd, however, didn't mock him or act judgmental in the slightest. He relaxed and nuzzled the top of Zelos' head. "I'm upset with you," Lloyd told him, "because you lied about lying and expected me to believe it. I'm upset with myself because it almost worked."  
  
"I..." Zelos choked off, the filter too firmly back in place between his brain and his mouth to be able to explain himself.  
  
"You're not comfortable with talking about those parts of your life," Lloyd filled in. "I don't want to push you into telling me either. I just... wish I knew how to prove you can trust me."  
  
"I know I can trust you, Lloyd," Zelos admitted. "I just... I'm not sure trusting is something I know how to do... or at least not well. It sort of freaks me out."  
  
"I noticed," was the brunet's dry response.  
  
Zelos hummed softly, already starting to drift off to sleep.  
  
"Thanks," Lloyd murmured, his words only sort of registering in Zelos' mind. "Thanks for trusting me with what you told me earlier... even if you did freak out afterwards."

* * *

"My parents resented my existence," Zelos told Lloyd morosely.  
  
The subject of Colette's father had come up earlier that day; she'd explained to Frank that despite all his doubts, she was his biological daughter. Frank had seemed equal parts shocked and relieved, but the distance between the two didn't close. There was an awkwardness there, like Frank had made mistakes out of the belief that he was raising someone else's child.  
  
Maybe he'd thought that the distance would make sending his daughter to be sacrificed easier and didn't know how to process the idea that the girl he'd never quite managed to love as he should really was his own flesh and blood.  
  
Or maybe Zelos was projecting his own familial issues and everything really was okay there. He wasn't sure and had no intention of asking.  
  
But maybe, just maybe, he could tell Lloyd a little of this and not... feel like the rejection he'd suffered every day, even now with them dead, would suffocate him.  
  
"To them, I was the representation of everything they wanted to change about their lives. If they could have lived the way they'd wanted to, then I'd have never been born." Zelos shivered as reddened snow and the words 'you should never have been born' echoed in his memories. He wasn't ready to tell Lloyd that part yet. "All I wanted was to hear that they liked me."  
  
That was what had bothered him the most about Colette and Frank. Frank smiled and hugged her, but... he didn't tell her that he loved her. He didn't assure her that he had cared for her as much when he'd thought she might be someone else's child as he did now that he knew for certain she was his.  
  
He didn't encourage her to call him Father instead of Frank.  
  
Lloyd settled beside Zelos. "Well, I like you," he said, his cheeks a little pink. Then he bumped shoulders with Zelos, grinning impishly when Zelos bumped back. "I'm glad you're here with us, Zelos. If they couldn't see what a good thing it is to have you around... well, that's their failing."  
  
"Thanks Bud."

* * *

 _"Was everything you've said up to now just a lie? You said that status and race and everything...none of it matters! Your heart is the same."_  
  
_"...On that day, Meltokio had a record snowfall. It looked just like this city."_  
  
_"But if that's the way you feel, I'll be too worried to bring you along."_  
  
Lloyd held onto Zelos tighter than ever that night. Slipping away in the morning, leaving behind a note and his Cruxis Crystal, was more difficult that Zelos had anticipated.  
  
_"Zelos, I trust you."_

* * *

After all his worst secrets were laid bare, the last thing Zelos expected from Lloyd was to be invited along on the brunet's post-world-saving exsphere hunt. But, somehow, that is exactly what occurred.  
  
Well, okay, really he was just inviting himself along for the ride, but Lloyd seemed more amused than irritated so that was a win... right?  
  
"Okay then, it's settled! It's gonna be awesome traveling around with me, just you wait!" Zelos smiled numbly, his stomach all in knots. If Lloyd didn't really want him around, he'd say so... wouldn't he?  
  
"Yeah, yeah..." Lloyd yawned, hiding the action behind his hand.  
  
"Uh, right, well, you should get some sleep." Zelos backed up awkwardly. They could just forget this conversation later, really. It wasn't a big deal that Lloyd was too nice to tell him to back off. Lloyd could just... leave without him when the time came.  
  
"Not unless you're coming with me," Lloyd said, the words completely unexpected. "You know... I started sleeping in the same bed as you because I wanted you to be able to sleep better, but now I don't sleep well at all unless its with you." Lloyd made an irritated face as he added, "I know Raine was trying to be helpful, getting everyone separate rooms tonight, but my mind just wouldn't stop running in circles about... everything.  
  
"I was actually about to get up and go find you when you showed up at my door."  
  
"R-really?" Zelos felt utterly stunned.  
  
"Yeah, really. I..." Lloyd yawned again. "Mmm... sorry. Guess I'm pretty tired after all. But, anyway, I'm really glad you decided to stick around." He slid his fingers against Zelos' and then slipped his hand beneath the redhead's in order to weave their fingers together. "I'm glad you want to go exsphere hunting with me too. Save's me the effort of figuring out how to ask you to come along."  
  
Zelos stared down at their joined hands. "Lloyd..." his voice shook and the thought he wanted to voice refused to be put to words.  
  
"I trust you, Zelos. I mean it now and I've meant it every time I've said it to you before." The look in Lloyd's eyes was fiercely honest.  
  
"I guess there's no point in telling you just how fucked up I am," Zelos guessed.  
  
"You can't scare me off, Zelos," Lloyd told him. "You're sort of stuck with me now."  
  
"Here I was thinking it was the other way around."

* * *

When Mithos' Cruxis Crystal attached itself to Lloyd, Zelos didn't think, didn't hesitate, didn't wonder what the risks were... he just acted. Rushing forward, he grabbed the crystal trying to fuse itself to Lloyd and yanked hard, stumbling backwards and collapsing to the ground as the crystal burrowed into his flesh instead.  
  
Oh Goddess, nothing had ever hurt so much.  
  
"Damn!" Mithos said. "You interfered."  
  
Zelos felt himself stand up, as if he was a puppet.  
  
"I'll just take this body instead."  
  
It took him a fuzzy moment to realize that Mithos' voice was coming from his own body. Then the world spun away and Zelos knew no more.

* * *

Zelos came back to himself, sort of, after Mithos set off the self-destruct on the Tower of Salvation. He roamed the hallways of Derris Kharlan aimlessly, arguing with Mithos and generally getting odd looks from angels that didn't normally notice anything. Apparently exceptions were made for the crazy person fighting with the voice in his head.  
  
Then, all of a sudden, there was Lloyd. The brunet had a look of amazed relief on his face.  
  
Mithos would not fucking shut up.  
  
"Damn...get the hell out of me, you little twerp!" Naturally Mithos ignored him and instead reached out with Zelos' hand to touch Lloyd's shoulder, dragging Lloyd into Mithos' next hallucination alongside Zelos.  
  
They were standing in the Holy Ground of Kharlan, unmistakable despite the lack of Tower of Salvation. A huge, dead tree dominated the land, but it was the green-haired half-elven woman, laying too pale and still upon the blood soaked ground that drew Zelos' attention.  
  
For a moment, Martel seemed to become someone else. Short strawberry blond hair, with ears coming to delicate points peeking through the strands... Seles' eyes open and glassy, yet somehow still disappointed in him. This is your fault, Zelos. This is your fault.  
  
Then it was Martel again and Zelos knew it had never been anyone else.  
  
"Lloyd, don't let him trick you. This is just Mithos' memory."  
  
"I know." As soon as Lloyd said the words, it was as if Mithos had been shoved into a closet in Zelos' mind. The scene broke and Zelos nearly dropped bonelessly to the floor. As luck would have it, Lloyd caught him and lowered them both gently to the ground. "Are you alright?"  
  
"Fine... just... just give me a second." Zelos leaned heavily against Lloyd's chest and closed his eyes. He could still hear Mithos whispering in the back of his head, but it was indistinct and ignorable.

* * *

Lloyd's hand dropped lightly to cover Zelos' and the redhead froze, looking up almost guiltily.  
  
"Don't do that!" Lloyd snapped. "You're just going to hurt yourself. That crystal isn't going to come off no matter how much you claw at it and all you're doing is making your arm bleed." Grumbling, the brunet pulled out an apple gel and dabbed some around the crystal, healing Zelos' scraped raw skin in seconds.  
  
"I want him gone!" Zelos winced at the slight note of hysteria in his own voice. But Mithos was still crawling around in his head, an irritating voice reminding him what freak he is and he does a good enough job of that on his own without the ancient blond asshole's help. He wanted to be the only voice in his head.  
  
"You can still hear him?" Lloyd's eyes widened in worry. Around them, Sheena and the others scooted away from him a little bit.  
  
Well crap. How much of that had he said aloud? "Umm... yeah. Like a little voice in the back of my head that instead of telling me to set things on fire, tells me to stab you and go play hopscotch with Genis, because apparently Mithos never had much of a childhood before becoming besties with the brat. A lot of ranting about Martel, too, because this guy basically redefines the concept of a sister-complex."  
  
Lloyd snorted in what was either amusement or irritation. Possibly both.  
  
Taking both of Zelos' hands in his, Lloyd squeezed lightly. "I know this is really difficult on you right now, but I need you to stop hurting yourself. We're going to get through this and we're going to get that crystal off of you."  
  
"Yeah... okay." If Lloyd said he'd do something, well... Lloyd had proved a couple times over already that, come hell or high water he was damn well keeping his promises. Zelos slumped slightly and squeezed Lloyd's hands back in response. "No more scratching at the source of the invasive whispering in my brain. Promise."  
  
"Good." Lloyd beamed at Zelos and it was like watching a sunrise, but infinitely better. For once, Mithos shut up completely.

* * *

"You know... if you'd rather Colette came with you instead, I'd understand," Zelos ventured, not quite able to look Lloyd in the eyes. He'd understand, but his heart would break.  
  
"Colette is like a sister to me, Zelos." Lloyd looked amused as he sat down on his bed beside the ex-Chosen. "There is someone else I like, though, if that's what you're getting at."  
  
"Who? Sheena?"  
  
"No." Lloyd reached up and brushed some errant hair out of Zelos' face, leaning in to press a hesitant kiss against Zelos' lips. Then, pulling away, "if you're the one who doesn't want to go with me now, I..."  
  
Zelos cut Lloyd off with a kiss in return, a little bolder and harder than Lloyd's kiss but ultimately still pretty chaste. "Definitely still interested in tagging along," Zelos murmured against Lloyd's lips.  
  
There was a lot more kissing that night and roaming hands that had felt surprisingly amazing, sending alternating shivers and heat running through Zelos' body to curl low and pleasant in his belly. They fell asleep that way, Lloyd's hands beneath Zelos' shirt and Zelos' hands tangled in the fabric of Lloyd's clothes.

* * *

"So... um..." Lloyd blushed, hands twisting the fabric of the bed sheets awkwardly. "This is the same room we had when I first asked you about... well, when we first started sleeping in the same bed."  
  
"It is," Zelos agreed, giving the bed Lloyd was sitting on an appreciative look. "This is a great room."  
  
"Definitely. But... um..." Lloyd's blush deepened. "Do you like sex, Zelos? 'Cause we haven't... done it yet and if you don't actually like it then I don't want to make you feel like you have to... but if you do like sex, then..."  
  
"Then maybe we could have our first time here?" Zelos filled in softly.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"I'm kind of a freak, Lloyd." Zelos put a finger to Lloyd's lips to silence the inevitable 'no you're not, why would you say that?' "I know you don't think I am, but a lot of people would disagree. For the most part, I'm asexual... as in, disinterested in sex. But... there are exceptions to that, for me anyway."  
  
Zelos took a deep breath, lowering his hand from Lloyd's mouth, and decided to tell Lloyd about Elizabeth. "I've only dated one person seriously before you and... I enjoyed sex with her. She was my first and I had this weird little life all planned out where I'd be with her forever and the girl I was engaged to would have whoever she wanted and things would somehow work out for us the way it didn't for my parents and their lovers. Elizabeth... didn't actually want any of that. She wanted to be the Chosen's first and have a good time for a little while before moving on. It was pretty embarrassing to find out just how... different what we wanted was.  
  
"But the thing was, I didn't actually start feeling physically attracted to her until well after I got to know her. I never enjoyed sex with random people... never really felt physically attracted to them. Complete strangers just don't turn me on and... it wasn't worth the risk of getting emotionally invested again because... no one ever liked me because I'm Zelos. It was all about me being the Chosen."  
  
Hesitantly, Lloyd asked, "what about me?"  
  
"Lloyd, I keep getting aroused when you kiss me. That's not something my body does for just anyone. I'm pretty sure that sex with you will be something I will enjoy a lot. I just... sex isn't a driving thing for me." Zelos paused and added, "so, yeah, um... I'm sure there's a better term out there for what I am besides asexual, but I don't know what it is... but it means a lot to me that you'd still want a relationship with me even if I were totally asexual instead of only somewhat."  
  
Carefully, Lloyd pressed a gentle kiss against Zelos' lips. "Sex really shouldn't be the end all, be all of a relationship," Lloyd told him. "At least, I think it shouldn't. There are a lot more important things. Though it is really... um... flattering to know I turn you on. That's..." the tips of Lloyd's ears pinked to match his face and Zelos felt the urge to lean over and lick them.  
  
So he did.  
  
"Lloyd," Zelos purred against Lloyd's ear. "Turn me on."


End file.
